Fork in the Road

I see him, but I don't
I feel him, but not so much
He's trying to be positive, but still negative in my mind
The back and forward pull is torture for me
Clouding my thoughts and sanity

How can I be so disconnected from the man I loved for so long
I'm at a crossroads and not sure of which way to go
I stand there at the fork and look in each direction
Scratching my head and frowning in concentration

Wondering "how did I get here?"
I thought I was good with a new path cut out just for me
I'm standing not moving an inch cause I just don't know
Which way is the right way to go

Where will my guidance come from
Above?
Naw, I tried that before
Within?
Not sure if I can trust my own judgement anymore

I question myself
Do I forget it all and let myself love him again
Or just say fuck it and move along
Cause for real for real he did do me wrong

It's not just trust that's an issue
It's the giving of myself again
And not being sure if my very essence will be trampled on
Not sure this is something I want to gamble on

One road says, squash it and love him
The other says, love him but leave him
Ugggggg, this shit is crazy
I shouldn't be crying but the tears flow freely

Can't identify the emotion that clouds my eyes
The pain is great, but yet it's not
My direction is clear if truth be told
But still, I'm here staring at the fork in the road

And the Verdict Is....

It was quiet and peaceful around me, but my mind was noisy trying to figure out how I got myself in this mess.  I sat still starring at the television, occasionally paying attention to it and laughing at a funny segment then slipping back into a quiet, contemplation of my situation.

I thought about the things I heard, the things I saw and the issues from the past and I argued with myself.  What do I do now?  Is there an easy outcome?  Who will hurt the most?  and finally, What about me?

And when I summed it up and argued each question...

What do I do now?  be honest with myself that change is not going to come, and I must deal with that and stop being a punk

Is there an easy outcome?  No, but a decision has to be made no matter how hard it is

Who will hurt the most?  everyone will hurt equally, but they will hurt more if things continue as they are

What about me?  I tried it, it didn't work, and I finally realized that

the Verdict is....

Let him go!