Let it Ride

I began a journal a few months ago at the behest of one of my co-workers.  She had gone through a divorce and suggested I write my feelings down each day.  I did, and it was so therapeutic, but then I decided to read back over what I wrote.

So, I journeyed through my thoughts and what I found astonished me.  I was the most inconsistent person ever and scattered brain as if I had ADHD.  I went from thing to another, from one man to another from one thought to another in a matter of days.  I thought I had a handle on my situation, but surmised by my words that I was sadly mistaken.

It was mind blowing to read what I wrote in my journal - I knew then that I had to get a grip and take a reality check.

After 7 1/2 months of living a somewhat "single" life, I can honestly say that I'm not fighting anything any longer.  I don't care what people think or feel.  I have to deal with my feelings and my thoughts only at this juncture in my life.  So, I had to be honest with myself and answer the questions of how I really felt then and feel now.  I shocked myself but I learned so much about me - how I handle emotional issues and how I handle people.  I've found that you can't take things too seriously and that life has a way of teaching you those important lessons to get you to the next phase.

So, instead of being in a uproar over everything that has happened to me and constantly replaying those negative images in my head, I've decided to chill and let life be.  Everything will work out and as always, what's done in the dark will come to light.

He can tell me all day long he loves me, wants to be with me, I'm his world and its not right without me.  Those are great words, but time will always tell.  I'm good, not mad, not fussing, getting along with him even laughing with him, but I'm also cautious, mindful, and above all finally paying attention. 

Life is too short to harbor pain, hate, anger - so instead I'll just chill and....

Let It Ride!!!